Environmentalism

ALL CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL AND MEDIUM

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Animals too often fuck around and find out with the human race. Then it’s all she wrote – for them.

And not just endangered species. Even animals no one gives a fuck about are ripe for extinction.

Not so fast, says Brian Moore.

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Taking a page from Jane Goodall, Brian Moore is endeavoring to fill a vacuum too often empty in the animal kingdom: leadership.

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Rather than enslave beasts on “sanctuaries” – the polite word for “plantations” – Moore is saving these button-cute imbeciles from their own sloth with The Brian Moore Foundation’s Brian Moore/Jane Goodall Foundation, where animals are adopted by normies before they’re slaughtered like dogs.

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To keep chickens or cows or wolverines from going the way of the dodo, BM/JG will donate cages, tasers, whips, maces, clubs, swords, halberds, Claymores, guns, cannons, and miscellaneous restraints to BM/JG volunteers for the purpose of acclimating already populous species to a life of service that all but guarantees their survival.

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Not at once can the animals be saved but, as Brian Moore told the United Nations General Assembly in 2018, “we can do so one brute at a time.”

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SAVING THE AMAZON

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Once faced with extinction, the Amazon tribe is thriving thanks to the efforts of The Brian Moore Foundation’s Heads Up Not Heads Shrunk Foundation, which immediately recognized the retail potential of the Amazon tribe’s “location location location.”

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“You’ve got approximately 400 million acres of potential warehouse space, distribution centers, and office parks,” Brian Moore told the elders of the Amazon tribe in Section 13 of Brazil’s otherwise worthless Orhuanxico Province, a video of which was shown to the United Nations General Assembly in 2008. “Your overhead is lower than Tierra del Fuego, so make civilization come to you.

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“Quit screwing around, Yawalapiti, and learn the word ‘retail,’ baby!”

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And boy is the gringo coming! Give them a hand up instead of a hand out at www.amazon.com.